Let me preface this by saying I love my husband. He's great, he gets me (or he fakes it really well), he never passes judgement on the crazy things I do and for the most part he goes along with all my ridiculous ideas and schemes. He's nothing if not encouraging and supportive. With that said, if I were to go all Rocky Horror and make myself a man (in just 7 days at that!) I would abide by the following strict criteria.
1) Recognition that the 90's were the best decade, hands down. Best music, best TV, best fashion. Yes, I was but a mere tween for most of the decade but it left a lasting mark. I still find myself wishing for the TGIF lineup every Friday and don't even get me started on how I've pined for Total Request Live (don't misunderstand, I DO NOT mean TRL, I mean when they actually showed the full music video and Carson was hosting with his few black fingernails.) He needs to know all the words to Clueless and possibly own the soundtrack, understand the teen angst of Daria and be able to sing the theme song from Salute Your Shorts.
2) Be well versed in all things pop trivial. (Especially, but not limited to, 90's pop trivia.) I'm anxiously awaiting the moment in my life when something bad happens and the only thing that's going to save us is a pop trivia battle to the death. I need to know my man has got my back. He needs to know right off bat the name of Beavis' alter ego ("I am the great Cornholio!"), where Kelly and Zack broke up (The costume ball, duh.) and the name of the White Ranger (oh so sexy, Tommy). I refuse to be shamed by an unknowing counterpart.
3) NEVER comment or complain about my hoarding of shoes and panties. I'm aware that I have only two feet and one bum. You won't win that arguement. A lady can never have too many shoes or panties, that's what I always say. So what if they're taking up three whole drawers?
4) Agree that Batman and Robin is the best of the Joel Shumacher Batmans. I don't want to hear about the bad reviews, the Razzie nominations, the nipples on the Bat suit or any other trash talking about this flick. Has everyone forgotten how hot Uma was as Poison Ivy? Or the quirky cuteness of Alicia Silverstone as Batgirl? Just to be topped off by a heartbroken Swarzenegger as Mr. Freeze?
Newsflash people! George Clooney is a fox. Val Kilmer isn't too shabby either but Micheal Keaton is a nerd. And not the "skinny jeans, black frame glasses, I'm going to be the next Steve Jobs" kind. Granted, I will admit that none of them can hold a candle to Christian Bale but we really weren't talking about the serious Batman movies were we?
Lucky for me, Micah mostly is like this. And what he doesn't know, I'm drilling into his head. However, we've had to agree to disagree about Batman and Robin. For now. :)
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